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The Quality of Forgiveness is Not Strained

by Religious Studies Teacher Jason Odem

“To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human.”  - Brené Brown

Gospel Reading for Tuesday, March 14: Matthew 18:21-35

Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
"Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive him?
As many as seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
That is why the Kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who decided to settle accounts with his servants.
When he began the accounting,
a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.
Since he had no way of paying it back,
his master ordered him to be sold,
along with his wife, his children, and all his property,
in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.'
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a much smaller amount.
He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,
'Pay back what you owe.'
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,
'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
But he refused.
Instead, he had him put in prison
until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,
they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master
and reported the whole affair.
His master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant!
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,
as I had pity on you?'
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart."

Today’s Gospel underlines some of the great wisdom traditions of the past and the present.
Jesus illuminates a number of key points using different rhetorical techniques and tells his audience the way it is. Perhaps not surprisingly, Jesus’ way is the Way that resonates across boundaries of time, space, ethnicity, religion and political persuasion.

Jesus uses hyperbole when asked how many times we should forgive those who sin against us. Let’s be honest, we injure one another far more than we are aware. Seven times? Seventy-seven times? We are not meant to take this literally. Jesus is saying when in doubt, forgive. Be ready to forgive, and then be prepared to forgive again. And again. Doesn’t this cheapen our forgiveness? Won’t we have people take advantage of us? No, and yes, respectively. Jesus wants us to let go of sin and do so often.

Be ready to forgive, and then be prepared to forgive again. And again.

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism include the reality that suffering is caused by attachment. The Buddha was all about letting go of what St. Ignatius of Loyola calls “inordinate attachments.” This can be the baggage to which we cling. Some of my favorite baggage includes resentment, anger, and outrage over the ignorance and failures of others. I hang on to my baggage and I turn it into a weapon with which I proceed to punish others and myself. In a Buddhist parable I once heard, two ex-prisoners of war meet after many years. The first one asks, “Have you forgiven your captors yet?” The second prisoner answers, “No, never.” “Well then,” the first prisoner replies, “they still have you in prison.” Forgiveness is for us and others, and we are to engage in it as often as possible – and then some.  

Jesus asks us to be willing to take a loss for forgiveness.
But Jesus doesn’t seem to request any conditions for forgiveness. It is to be given freely, often and without judgment. The first servant says he will honor his debt, but in the end, he really doesn’t. His greatest obligation is to pass on the forgiveness he has received, and he fails miserably. Jesus wants us to pay it forward, so to speak. Do we? Why should we?

St. Ignatius of Loyola has something to say about this in his Spiritual Exercises. He states, “It should be presupposed that every good Christian ought to be more eager to put a good interpretation on a neighbor’s statement than to condemn it.” This means we are to assume the best intentions of others, even when that might not be the case. Err on the side of forgiveness. Don’t assume your co-worker, student, spouse or stranger is trying to take advantage of you. Don’t assume that someone is being passive-aggressive, even when our humanity can see it no other way.

Don’t buy into the anger and spitefulness we tend to bask in when we think we’ve been wronged. Assume the best, and let it go.

Letting go may sound lofty and idealistic, but perhaps it may be simpler and more pragmatic than we think. Does being compassionate and forgiving benefit us? Social Scientist Dr. Brené Brown says it does, without reservation. Brown states, “To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human.”

In the end, Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness is far more than meets the eye.
Forgiveness is a profound movement of human nature that we can serve up generously and with great heartfelt sincerity. It should come as no surprise when we see that forgiveness benefits everyone. We all need it. With forgiveness, everyone wins. Everyone.

This Lent let’s try to stop excusing our judgments of others and ourselves our impatience and our selfishness. Assume the best in others, just as we would like them to assume our best intentions. Maybe that annoying person is doing the best they can. Perhaps we have been that person?

Let’s spend a few minutes in silent prayer, asking that our hearts be opened to forgiveness.
May we be relentless in forgiving ourselves and others, and may we make the time to reflect and reach the healing shore of forgiveness.

Let us remember that we are in the Holy Presence of God. 
St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us. 
Live Jesus in our hearts forever. 
Amen. 

Questions for Reflection

• In this moment, what do you need to forgive yourself?
• At this moment, whom do you need to forgive and for what? Be specific and thorough – it will benefit you in the long run.
• What do you need to let go of this Lent? What are “inordinate attachments” from which you might disconnect with God’s grace?

If you have questions about this post, please reach out to Religious Studies Teacher Jason Odem or Campus Minister Paulina Thurmann.